Michelle Rodriguez Hates America

Slightly smelly looking, sexpot tomboy Michelle Rodriguez has vowed to leave the US for good. She told photographers outside a bookshop in Melrose Avenue: "I'm moving to France... You know, people don't bother you there. I do what I got to do. Then I leave the country and never come back."

The news came shortly before the 27 year old star of Lost turned herself in to the LA Metro Court to start serving time for a 'DUI-related probation violation'. Rodriguez was sentenced to 60 days in jail but is expected to be released in less than an hour, largely because no-one knows what 'DUI-related probation violation' means and any lawyer or googler who tries to find out is instantly paralysed with boredom and dies on the spot.