Billie Piper Gives Doctor The Finger

23 year ginger mogul marrier Billie Piper has quit Doctor Who. In a shock revelation Piper croaked: “It has been an amazing adventure, and I can confirm it comes to an end – for now at least – as series two climaxes.” It’s not the first time Billie’s left an old man in the lurch, although the last one was more ‘tard than tardis *insert riotous guffaw here*. The cheeky Danny Baker hugging swine.

Executive producer Russell T Davies has confirmed that she’ll leave the show with “a stunning exit”. Oooh I can’t wait. No doubt David Tennant will accidentally poke her in the eyeball with one of his uber-camp finger wags and she’ll spend the rest of her show crumpled on the floor singing ‘Because We Want To’, until the last drop of blood evaporates from her eye socket and she’s sent flapping around the room like a deflated balloon.