Brad Pitt Copies Tom Cruise

Insane dwarf Tom Cruise has sent Brangelina a congratulations card. The message inside, probably scratched in blood, reads: "Congratulations! You're doing a fine job following in my footsteps!"

“The card was taken in good spirits" a friend of Brangelina told the Daily Mirror. "Tom and Brad have a friendly rivalry since acting together”. The pair worked together on Interview With the Vampire where they played homoerotic vampires fighting for custody over Kirsten Dunst (aged 12 and undead). Since then Tom has married the child star of Dawson’s Creek, pays her $3 million a year to stay with him and is blood bound to a Hollywood sect who’s founder once said: “Individuals, and not masses, form the culture of the race.” Cue Tom quietly slipping off his platform shoes, removing his stilts and climbing down from his pedal stool.