God OK With Urban And Kidman Marrying

Nicole Kidman has finally tied the knot. She married lank-haired country bore Keith Urban today despite a) the World Cup and b) God not being happy. Australia lost to Italy so they got away with that... but God?

Catholic pundits have been questioning whether Kidman should be permitted to marry as a Catholic, having previously been married to a dwarf. Size doesn't matter, but marrying twice does - especially as they didn't get an annulment.

Father Coleman, who married the couple, told press: "The Catholic Church sets down requirements to have a valid Catholic marriage. In the case of Nicole's first marriage, those requirements were not fulfilled." Ah, so getting married in the Church of Scientology doesn't count.

You can just imagine God peering down at Kidman's first wedding, shaking his transcendental head in disbelief at the figure of Elfman, darting in and out of shadows, accusing guests of "baby rape". It was probably at the point the small spaceship beamed Tom up to Kidman's mouth that he voided the whole thing.