Gwyneth Paltrow Kicks Pop Career Into Orbit

The almost beautiful but ultimately bloodless wife of Coldplay has been spending time with electro guru William Orbit. No not for sex! Gwyneth Paltrow wants to make an altogether different kind of music with the man often credited with rejuvenating Madonna’s haggard old vocal chords.

According to a source of The Sun Orbit said: “We bumped into each other and got talking and it turned out she was really keen to do some recording. We’ve already done a track which will make a brilliant first single.” He went on to say: “Gwyneth had messed around with Chris – so to speak. But she would not work on music with her husband. She feels like she would be treading on his toes.”

Yawn. Flat sounding vocals jazzed up with beeps and whistles. Cue epileptic music video featuring the elf-like Apple mother float about the place like an ethereal fart on some tawdry voyage of self discovery.