Colin Farrell Is Dry

Hairy faced Brad Pitt impersonator Colin Farrell is claiming he’s off the booze. The 30 year old star of ‘Phone Booth’ and ‘Alexander’ told the Daily Mirror:

"I was burning the candle at both ends and the flames met in the middle… It just caught up with me. It was a long time coming but I had my arse handed to me on a plate. Now I haven't had a drink for six months… I have a new-found appreciation for my life…

I wasn't suicidal but I never had much of a will to live a long time. Now I want to watch my son grow up, be his friend and his father, and hang around with him. So he's the greatest priority in my life… Life has been a bit of a blur… It has been a trip and I've worked with some incredible people and seen some amazing places… I'm 30 now but I still think I'm Peter Pan - I don't want to grow up”.

It’d be like having an evil, ‘I never had much of a will to live’ Peter Pan for a dad. Just imagine story time… Col sitting on the edge of the bed, a trickle of black, liquid lung seeping out of the corner of his mouth as he slurs about some sordid little adventure - such as the time he begged a 70 year old dame for sex... his son staring at him in bemused horror as he gets up, stumbles over to the window mumbling “I can fly, I can fly” and then topples out in a plume of yellow smoke.