Someone Has Been Bugging Paul McCartney

No no, not his one-legged wife - although it'd be annoying if she kept leaving her leg lying around - you'd feel absolutely ridiculous if you tripped over it. It's bugging of a different sort altogether. The Mirror reports that Paul McCartney's phone conversations have been taped. After receiving a package from a mysterious third party, Heather told Paul: "get into the car. I have something I want you to listen to". According to a source "he couldn't listen to the whole thing" and emerged looking 'white as a ghost'.

Heather had just played him a recording of a phone conversation he'd had with his daughter Stella McCartney. In the conversation Stella goes on a bilious rant against Heather and says she believes all the reports that she was a high-class hooker. Heather is now furious and 'considering a court order banning Stella from seeing Beatrice'.

That'll no doubt enamour her with the public further. She is reputedly already being 'jostled in the street' and on Tuesday was even 'dumped in Brighton by a taxi driver who asked her to get out.' I think it might be time she hopped across the pond so that she can kick-start the next leg of her new life. Ugh, these leg gags are getting boring. Soz. Hang on... I'll put a sock in it.