Yoko Ono Solves McCartney Rift

Yoko Ono, John Lennon’s extraordinarily unappealing ex-wife has pledged her support to Heather Mills. The uni legged Beatle marrier has been the butt of a great deal of media criticism ever since stories emerged that she used to prostitute herself to Arabs and pose naked in German sex books.

Yoko’s quoted in the Mirror saying: "I feel very bad for her. I know better than anyone what it's like being a Beatle wife; nobody gives you an easy time”. She went on: "The thing I keep remembering is how, just before Heather gave birth to her and Paul's daughter, he told me how happy he was. He actually said: "I feel like I've been given a second life'”

Yoko’s like a mystic healer. I can just picture Paul, leaning back in his chair… a smile spreading over his face as he recalls how he felt that day. He’s probably out drinking with all her old clients right now, exchanging sex photos and kicking himself at what a silly billy he’s been.