Lily Savage Nearly Snuffs It

Paul O'Grady, aka Lily Savage and host of the enigmatically titled Paul O'Grady Show, is recovering from a suspected heart attack. The 51 year old was rushed to hospital after complaining of severe chest pains. This isn't the first time Paul's had a ticker tantrum. In 2002 he had an operation to widen a blocked artery after his first heart attack.

A spokesman for Channel 4 said: "We are shocked and concerned by the news... Along with Paul's many fans we are wishing him all the very best". The hospital have confirmed that Paul is "comfortable" and well on the road to recovery.

As a result of the scare O'Grady has vowed to do give up smoking. Not one to abandon his trademark granny-moistening wit he coughed: "Lambert and Butcher have had to lay off 200 staff". After catching their breaths and reassembling their split-sides nurses eventually got back to work... scooping a turd coloured lung off the floor and informing the 'Michael Caine-alikes R 'Us' that Paul won't be able to do his 'blow the bloody doors off' sketch this week.