Swayze Ogles Soap Warbler

Patrick Swayze must have reached the pinnacle of his career. He’s taken over from Neil Morrissey to play Nathan Detroit in Guy and Dolls and will be starring alongside Clare Sweeney. Sweeney is of course internationally renowned for her acting role in Brookside and more recently her singing career on P&O Cruise Ships. She can’t wait to sink her yellowy buck teeth into this prestigious new role and it seems she’s not the only one. The Ghost star told reporters: "Immediately I looked in her eyes I thought 'This is going to be good'".

That’s right Pat, she has got a lovely pair of ‘eyes’. The 53 year old went on: "I still have blue-haired old ladies come up and pinch me on the rear then run back to their friends and say 'I did it, Martha, I did it!'” Sweeney’s agent has since confiscated her blue wig and politely asked her to desist from fingering one of Hollywood’s finest potters.