Jessica Simpson Is A Leopard

Jessica Simpson has been spotted, presumably by a hunter, prowling the streets of Manhattan wearing this frumpy feline number. I realise she’s been shedding a few tears over pop dick Nick Lachey, but this really is too much. It’s as if she got tired of being hot and made a beeline for the local retirement home where she found an enormous, ill-fitting pair of leopard print bloomers just lying around.

Let’s hope the penis-upsetting, polka-tent look puts a stop to her sister Ashlee’s terrifying spate of ‘I’m bored of being the ugly one’ copycat surgery. Just imagine her furiously denying having had any ‘work done’ as she innocently strokes at her whisker implants and then sets fire to her new face fur as she tries to light a cigarette.