Bolton: Desperate For A Housewife

Michael Bolton and his fiancé Nicollette Sheridan have duet-ed on America’s favourite dust the mantelpiece, finger your granny TV show, The View. The couple are promoting Bolton’s new Frank Sinatra covers album: ‘Bolton Swings Sinatra’ and sung 'The Second Time Around' together in front of tens and tens of bewildered urinary pad consumers.

Hmm… Bolton Swings Sinatra… Why does make me think of Frank’s corpse, being frantically arranged into a variety of Karma Sutra sex doll poses by Sheridan, while the balding power warbler ravages a hesitant Nancy Sinatra in a motel Jacuzzi?

Contrary to popular belief, Sheridan, who has a face like a waxed bear, isn’t a big fan of singing. She told The View: "we did a duet together. I don't sing. I'm terrified of snakes and singing. Michael says I better watch out if I ever run into a singing snake.” Michael answered in a sultry pan-pipe whisper: "If she were to record an album, I would think that a kind of smokey, jazzy, bluesy kinda thing would work. I think she could sound great doing a record like a Norah Jones record." Norah Jones? Why not just be honest and just tell her that you think she’s the human equivalent of lithium.