Anna Nicole Smith Has A Reason To Be Fat

What is it with these celebrities? If they're not giving birth they're conceiving. The latest victim in the baby craze is none other than wealthy grandpa fiddler Anna Nicole Smith. The former playmate suffers from such dramatic fat fluctuations that no-one, not even her baby, realised that she was 5 months pregnant. Via an official website announcement she said: "I've been hearing a lot of rumors in the papers...Let me stop all the rumors… Yes, I am pregnant. I'm happy. I'm very, very happy about it. Everything's goin' really, really good and I'll be checking in and out periodically on the Web and I'll let you see me as I'm growing." Feeders/geriatric fanciers/pregnant blonde lovers are no doubt using their left hands to tap in the appropriate google searches as we speak.

Smith has so far refused to reveal who the father is, probably because she doesn’t know, but it’s of little consequence. According to TMZ.com, the father is Larry Birkhead, a ‘freelance entertainment reporter and a paparazzo’, who in a devilishly enigmatic statement, said: "I'm not going to deny she's pregnant or that I'm the father." How mysterious. I think I’ll make that my ‘no comment’ catchphrase from now on. If someone asks if I’d ever killed a man I could say: “I’m not going to deny that a man is dead, or that I’m the killer” and then blow an enormous smoke ring with my 12 foot cigar and slowly sidle off, whistling Rawhide at the floor.