Baby Makes Jen Want To Puke

According to friends (who ran screaming to the media) Jilted Jen felt “nauseous” when she got news that Brangelina’s baby had been born. Not, however, as nauseous as she might have felt. “The nauseous feeling I expected to have when I heard the news is smaller than I thought” said Jen. I guess we can assume then, that Jen just did a little sick in her mouth when she found out rather than a roarsome spew. Unable to veer off the topic of ‘sick’ for too long, Anniston added: “I’m sick to death of having paparazzi ask me how I feel. How do they think I feel? I’ve wanted this to be over for so long. Now, hopefully, my place in this sick triangle will be replaced with the baby.”

In the post-sick calm that followed, Anniston wished her former beau well: “I really do wish Brad the best of luck because he’ll need it when he’s raising that child alone and she’s off somewhere adopting another Third World baby.” Jolie, who owns more than half the child population of North East Africa and South East Asia, has recently donated $300,000 to Namibian children.

I think it’s great that she prances about the globe shopping for kids. She’s inadvertently made the world’s greatest lottery by offering 6 month year old punters the chance to have seriously fit parents. Just imagine, you could constantly stare at them (sometimes naked) for years and no-one would be allowed to tell you off.