Helena Boring Carter And Tim Boring

Helena Bonham Carter, the wispy haired star of Fight Club, Willy Wonka and all period dramas, has been causing a stink in London’s Primrose Hill. Camden Council received a complaint from Carter and her director husband Tim ‘Sleepy Hollow’ Burton, complaining about their local pub’s application for a late license. The letter read: “We live extremely near to the pub and have to endure enough noise after it has shut… If the hours are extended we fear our quality of living is going to be severely hampered.”

Paul Davies, landlord of The Richard Steele, is said to be “fucked off” by the complaint, as are several star locals including: Liam Gallagher, Kate Moss and Sienna Miller. Why is Bonham so angry? Is she too good for beer these days? Is it all just gak gak gak in casa del la Burton Carter’s gnarled, mascara laden world? Two problem solving words: ‘double glazing’.